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I haven’t had any urge to write about anything the last few weeks. It’s not that nothing has happened, it just that I’m living it and moving on rather than living and reliving it. This hasn’t been a magical time, it’s been one of hard work and lazy selfishness all wrapped into one.

One in which I confront my oldest daughter about the possibility of shortcomings in her father that he neglected to mention in his headlong rush to move back to Hawai’i. The part where I say I’m not moving back unless it’s the last choice I have short of suicide. The part where he blithely assumes that I’m moving back no matter what so we can be a family.

You know, that sort of thing.

Its also a time of realizing that my youngest daughter is afflicted with the same dread Mom is Stupid disease that all 17 year old children contract, not always at 17. Hers is also compounded with a case of possible Failure to Launch syndrome. I’ve always known that genetically it’s possible, but hoped for the best. Time will tell I suppose.

Wonder Sweetie is his wonderful self , except I apparently have become a humorless old hag. He’s constantly cracking jokes that I don’t understand and I really dislike giving him the cow look. Bessie, with her big unblinking and uncomprehending eyes. Since everything is a joke I don’t know if he’s hearing my or putting me off. He’s headed back to Baltimore for a brief stint. At least I think it’s brief. He’s been unhappy with the pace of life here I think. After 2 hours on public transport and another 8 on the phones at work, I’ve had quite enough of the milk of human kindness. AND I still need to relate to my kids for their well being (see above). He on the other hand has been stuck at home and needs to get out. I understand, but am not able to accommodate more than dinner out and a walk around the neighborhood. The weekends I use for catch up because I am gone for 11 plus hours of each and every work day.

I’m sure we will figure it out. I’ve already mentioned the getting old thing. No need to roll on that retread again. Lets just say it’s not fun watching your body give it up.

When my kids first introduced me to Glee (a televisions show) I thought “Oh no! Another craptastic show about nothing”. Some of the stuff they watch truly is excrement. Then the singing started, and, well I’ve become a closet Gleek FAN.

I haven’t downloaded much new music to my iPod in years. What I have on there honestly has done it for me for a long time. I’ve added a song or two here and there, but nothing, however, prepared me for the covet fest that errupted when I saw the Glee cast albums on iTunes. I quickly downloaded most of all 4 that are available. Now I’m singing Don’t Rain On My Parade at the top of my lungs in the car and humming Jesse’s Girl on the way up the street as I head to work.

The thing I like about this show, is that it makes me feel like singing. Even if someone can hear me. OUT-loud. Bacharach, Streisand, Journey, Madonna. The crazy mashups make me just laugh (and sing). Well that and watching Jane Lynch in the role she was born to play. The snarky asides, the curled lip, the Vogue video.

Both of my children and beautiful singing voices, me, not so much. But it’s OK I’m just going to keep on belting one out, arms outstretched a la Streisand and have me my moment in the privacy of my kitchen. Who is ever going to know?

Not that sort of content. But I had you going for a second there didn’t I.

So what DO you get the Mom who has everything? Time! I’ve picked up my head from the endless treadmill of nonsense that life presents and it’s Mother’s Day already. My daughter has nearly completed her first year of college, my other daughter will be a senior in High School. And me… Well I’ve just spent another year of my life in service to another in an endless list of names of employers

God that is depressing on the face of it, and takes some incredible bolstering of spirit to avoid feeling really diminished. Something our culture appears to revel in.

Then this will be another post about Carpe Diem and all that. Time is on me like white on rice (technically brown on rice, since you scrape the brown off to make white rice ;). So many things I have done, so many just waiting to be done. Traveling, making art, learning to play the bongos – (wait, where did that last one come from?). Oh and as She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed is reminding me with a cold dog nose to the leg – a dog butt that must be rubbed. Glamour, I am all about it.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, the first one I haven’t spent with both children. The first of others I know I might not spend with either of my kids. This transition stuff is hard and I’m not making sense of any of it right now.

Maybe tomorrow, after bungee jumping or Samoan fire dancing I’ll come back and tell you all how this Carpe Diem thing should work. As soon as I finish the laundry and cleaning the refrigerator. Be right with you