You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2010.

My back has been on the fritz, work continues in it’s lack of drama and nonsense (a girl could get used to this).

Oh and I am getting old. Why, may I ask, does time have to be so unkind? I cannot believe the crap that is happening to my bod. Droopage (it’s French for sagging, look it up! it’s like those French have a word for everything.) I used to see ads for cremes that would assist with crepe-y skin. I need a vat of it please. I’ll just dip myself in it.

My doctor says I’m in great shape for the shape I am in, and I believe her. Still, things hurt a whole lot more that they used to, and long sessions at the keyboard, knitting, cleaning etc, are painful. I am NOT used to everything hurting quite so much.

So pardon me I think I will put on my exercise clothes and work out ever so gently. I’m thankful for what I retain and try not to think too hard about what I used to have.

Have a good week!

Searching for a place that’s already been found. I watched a movie last weekend called Brick Lane and those words were in the final scene of the movie. It broke my heart.

Marc the Wonder Sweetie and my girl spent a day and a half in New York last weekend. They went wandering like a couple of happy stray dogs. Masters of their domain, going where ever their feet took them.

Me I was crying uncontrollably in my bathrobe in the kitchen.

Why would this be you might ask?

Because I think the place I’ve been searching for is here. The place where I am not alone and the road ahead is shared. I’m not speaking of birds tweeting merrily overhead as I ride into the sunset with my beloved. I’m speaking of sharing on a level I’ve wished for and never achieved.

Those of you who know me well know I’d been a single momma for a years before I legally became a single mom in 2003. I worked hard to keep my kids under my wing. The details of this are known and won’t be covered here. It’s not that their Dad did anything the newspapers would find interesting , it was more benign neglect and selfishness on his part.

Enter the Wonder Sweetie.

Those of you who know him well, know he’s a different sort of fella. Mostly that he’s as serious as a heart attack and stays that way when he needs to. Like where kids are concerned. They need that sort of single minded focus from someone most all the time. And that someone has historically been me. No breaks, no brakes.

So Wonder Sweetie takes it upon himself to drive the hours up to NYC, pick my girl up, book a suite for themselves and lift her out of the funk she’s been in for days with theater, long talks and Katz’s deli. Giving her the strength to make the final lap at school. OK you knew that was coming, don’t lie. Marc, NYC, Katz’s deli.

Meanwhile the Momma is at home sobbing in her bathrobe in the kitchen why? Because she’s not the one ever so carefully toting the heavy heart of her daughter through multi-threaded conversations in NYC. The man that she loves is.

You may not be as gob smacked about that as I am. The lightness I felt was exhilarating and dis-orienting at the same time. I could put down the worry and fear for her well being for just a day. I had what we call in the mom business a breather.

Never had one of those before. May never get another one again. But here is the kicker. I had one from the man I love. Such an amazing delight and a generosity of spirit that lives in that heart of his, although he will try and tell you differently. But we know different don’t we…

I’ve been wishing and hoping for this place all of my life. To find it, here, at this time is delightful.

How do you explain to someone who knows everything (and knows nothing) that life is a marathon run everyday by some fairly clueless racers. Most of us are doing the best we can, and some of us will have a good race, most of us will just finish.

How the heck do you teach that? That just finishing is an honorable thing, and not all of us get the chance to finish.

How do I explain that life is hard and wonderful all at once, and the training you do will make it easier, but not easy? That as much as you want to spare someone the pain of growing up, no one can do that for them. No matter how much you want to.

How do I convey the fact that our time is limited, to this day, this minute, this second, this nano-second, and that we need to fill it with worthwhile things. Worthwhile things that aren’t always fun? It ain’t at all like you see on TV. There is laundry and cooking, cleaning, to-ing and fro-ing through traffic, relationships. Alone time. Plenty of alone time, where if you are not carefully marshaling your resources, your mind will work against you, not for you.

I can teach manners and check book balancing, but this I think I can only offer my very imperfect example by which I lead my life. That’s all I’ve got. Not much,but it will have to do.