Sometime in the recent weeks, it’s all been a blur, the corporation which bought our little company decided to close our office.

Most everyone received a two year contract. Some did not. I’ll let you figure out which category I am in.

This means I find myself in the unenviable position of looking for a job in “THIS” economy. It’s how I will find what I am made of. AGAIN.

It could be much worse. I am solvent, have savings and little debt. I have family that I can rely on if it gets really ugly. But my ex-husband will likely stop sending money soon. He is unemployed as well.

I’m not sure how this will play out. I know that sock camp is off the table which breaks my heart. I had saved for it and wished to go. It seems irresponsible now. I have a daughter entering college and she needs my help. I have food to put on the table and bills to keep current. I have a partner I don’t want to knock over because I lean on them.

I want to tell God, if he or she is listening, that I’ve had plenty of character building moments in my life. I didn’t really need another one. I do put others first. Would it have killed him/her to let me go to sock camp?

But this isn’t really a rant. It’s a wake up call. The day they told us I was talking suicide. In a week I had moved my office home and set up a home office of sorts. I’ve begun the process of looking for another job while lobbying to keep the one I have. I’m considering moving for work. Everything is on the table.

It’s not my nature to see this as good. It’s a struggle to remind myself that yoga has taught me that it’s only stuff. Not inherently good or bad, just more stuff; and if I can keep from choosing sides on the latest news I may well see myself clear to a better place.

Not all catastrophes are the final step.

One last word about my blessings. After some very emotional discussions my sweetheart and I move forward as a team. He had the option of leaving, I gave him the option of leaving but we’ve come to a fork in the road and we chose to walk down the same path together. It’s a good thing. He’s a good man. Life is hard. EAT DESSERT FIRST!