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The Wing o’ the Moth is blocked. Sort of.  I had no idea it was going to be sooo huge.  It took up the entire countertop island in the kitchen after I folded it in half.  I needed more wire and more interlocking blocks to do it properly so it may be a two step process until those are purchased.

Now the good news.  It’s lovely.  It floats like a cloud and the pattern is spectacular.  Soft, warm, light, beautiful.  It feels so great to be finished except for a few ends to be woven in.

Its coming to get you

It's coming to get you

I’m blocking the Wing o the Moth shawl with my make shift blocking kit.  Alphabet interlocking mat from Walgreens, $10.00  6 feet of stainless steel wire $6.00.  150 pins $1.99.

A perfectly blocked shawl…. Priceless!

Makes it sounds so safe and contained.   I’m living parenting as a contact sport right now.  I need a better padded helmet.

I’m betting this will all blow over at some point but my head and heart both hurt.  I’m not sure my oldest daughter and I will walk away friends at the end.  That’s the goal.  I’m just not sure we can get there from here.

This weekend is fall cleaning at the Frack, Irwin Wexler household.  The cleaning lady, who hasn’t visited in several months, is coming Monday.  I’m going to do the things that don’t often get done (window sills, baseboards, curtains washed), knit a little and work from home.  It’s a restorative to me to have everything bright and shiny in it’s place.

Sauvie Islander socks are nearly done.  Well 50% done.  I’ve just cast off the last stitches of the first sock.  It’s so stinkin cute I can hardly contain myself.

Yeah, that will get your attention won’t it.  OK, I am not actually planning to hurt anyone, but sometimes I think I could use that as a defense if anything – ahem – happened to one of my kids.

This is not going to be a long rant on the injustices of teenagers vs menopausal mothers.  It’s not going to be a rant at all because I’ve moved beyond the nonsense rather quickly to not caring a whit.

That’s new territory for me.

Happily I have worn the Ivy League vest several times.  It’s perfect with a white button down underneath.  Knitting one’s own clothing is a relevation.  I actually fits my body.  Too bad I can’t figure out how to knit pants.  That’s perenially a point of pain for me when shopping.   I think it’s that way for many women unless you are shopping for sweat pants.  Someday I’ll buy sweat pants and stop dying my hair, but I’m not there yet.

Work on the Sauvie Islander socks is two steps forward and one step back.  I started again as a toe up and got to the fair isle patterns before realizing that I will be ripping out what I’ve done and starting with a new pattern combination.  Thank goodness the second sock will go faster.  I will have already decided what to do.

Dreaming of yarn and sticks

Believe it or not, I have laid my head, touching my right ear fully to the ground for the first time in probably 15 years.  No mountains of pillows holding up my shoulder

It felt amazing.  I have Bikram yoga to thank for this new addition to my physical abilities.  It has also meant I can knit longer and with less pain.

The place gets so hot that I just bake until my muscles just slide off my limbs.  I’m beyond sweaty and sometimes I’d like to run out of the studio and jump into a pond of cold water.  Mostly I just feel so flexible and happy in my body I can hardly beleive it

The next morning reality sets in.  Things start to contract again, and the spaciousness between each rib scrunches a bit, but for a short time I am 18 again and able to move as I want.

I celebrated 5 years at my place of employment today.  Have they all been happy? Not really, but as far as jobs go this is one of the better ones I have had.  In this economy that’s saying a lot.

Blessing to all of you

Today I fired a client.  Let me be clear.  I may be called on to work with them, but I’m not going to have to work with them on a regular basis where they are mine to deal with.

They are support’s problem now.

This client was verbally abusive to me once, and attempted to be so two more times after that.  I do know what I am doing in the electronic insurance claim world and I’m very dogged about tracking down answers in a timely fashion.  But that wasn’t enough for this client.

I realize that much of my ego is tied up in how endlessly helpful I can be even when it’s not my problem to fix.  Or when I am hopelessly out of my league.  Even when I don’t know the answer I will try to find out.

That’s what makes this person’s response all that more baffling.  But truly the other issue is that I should have sent them to support months ago.  I didn’t out of some misguided idear that I could provide them help better and faster.  Work has sped up so much in the last few months that there isn’t time for the nieceties and the endless research to make things better.

Still the person didn’t have to be a jerk.  So, whatever.  I sent them to support and good riddance.  Support can take several months to get back sometimes.  I hope the clinic likes that.

A lot.

Is that passive agressive behavior?

I think it might have been because my parakeet died.  I called the vet where I had adopted her out because I couldn’t afford her care any longer.  She was sick for longer and longer periods and the medicine an Dr visits were overwhelming my budget.  When I called to check up on her yesterday, the doctor picked up.  all of you know that if the doc picks up, it’s bad news.  Andi’s kidney’s had failed the third week of September.

In a way it’s a relief to know she is not hurting and that she died easy in their care.  They would have euthanized her instead of letting her suffer.  I would have come home to her feet up and stiff on the bottom of the cage.  It would have killed me.

So rest in peace dear Andi.  All blessings upon you.  I know you are in the big shower room up in heaven chirping away to the sound of water.  I was fortunate to have been your owner.  You made my life richer than any pet since my beloved cat Charlie.

Love wings it’s way to you.

As in I have a case of it – not start-itis.  It feels good.  I completed the Wing o’ the Moth shawl and now I am weaving in the ends of the Ivy League Vest.  I want to begin working on the Sauvie Island socks again.  They have been frogged.  They will be toe up this time.  Same pattern, I just like the fit of the toe ups better.

All is well on the knitting front.

The raising teen age daughters front, not so much.  Maybe more later.  Right now even I am sick of talking about it.

I’m watching a hummingbird drink from the Pineapple Sage.  Since we worked on our yard this summer, the plants have happily settled in, with a few casualties.  The Pineapple Sage has been a real treat for my favorite sort of bird.  Each morning it’s light enough for me to see out the bird or birds are there.

It restores my faith in the world to provide even the tiniest amount of sustenance.

I’ve talked about my lack of mothering as a child.  It’s a deep achey spot that I don’t visit very often.  Recently I had the fortune to be sent a stack of Christmas card samples that contained this.

I’ve adopted her for my Mom.  Silly, probably, but you never know what will make you feel loved and anchored, and this does that for me.

I’m at my wits end with work.  The ever mounting level of work is not being matched by things accomplished.  I’m beginning to look like someone trying to tame crack addled cats.   Or catching spiders in a jar with no lid.  And I don’t think it going to get any better for awhile.  I had so many things on my to-do list today that it made me want to cry.

I don’t even want to talk about the stock market.

People, remember.  All we have to fear is fear itself!

Wing o’ the moth shawl is proceeding apace.  I hope to finish it this weekend.

Have you ever wondered why some blood draws are so good and some look like an elephant sat on your arm (and feel almost as bad?)

I don’t know what special magic this woman possessed this morning, but I am so grateful to her that she has the ability to do this so well.   I’m sure a fair amount of this was just practice, but some of it was attention to detail and the materials (skin, veins and ability to sit still).

I’m seeing that life is like that alot.  Sometimes I phone in the dinner I’ve made and it’s horrible, sometimes it’s just great.   The raw materials have a fair amount of input, did I use veggies that were past their prime?  Did I burn the garlic instead of saute it?  Was I trying to watch Oprah and gain some new financial insight from Suze Ormond instead of measuring the dry ingredients carefully?

How do I maximize the amount of time I spend with good attention, good ingredients and a practiced hand?  Meanwhile, the practice part dictates that I have to let go of the outcome while I, well… practice.  Do you see where I am headed here?  I want to follow the muse but it requires that I let go of the outcome, while fiercely paying attention and use the best ingredients I can muster.

Sounds like a recipe for a good life.  Appears to be really hard to do.